Tim Haywood's Blog
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May.17.2013
Today, I'm asking for your assistance.
You, the loyal reader, the benevolent soul who has kindly carved out a smidge of his or her busy docket to read my anemic diatribes.
You, the compassionate peruser, who has chosen to ingest my drivel while sitting on the porcelain perch after finally...
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May.12.2013
You probably already know this, but most holidays aren't celebrated on the days they actually happened, even a lot of famous birthdays.
Martin Luther King and Abe Lincoln are each honored on Mondays, yet King was born on a Tuesday, while Lincoln emancipated his spindly self from the womb on a...
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May.07.2013
I'd like to preface my comments with the following statement: Every half-baked opinion I'm permitted to regurgitate in this forum is the direct result of a lot of suffering endured by a lot of people who don't happen to be me.
Or politicians.
The "The Baby Boomer" generation consists of anyone born...
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Apr.28.2013
My wife and have been married twenty-four years.
That's kind of a long time, you know? When I really pondered this the other day, I realized the last time I kissed any female other than her or another family member, East German soldiers were still shooting at people trying to escape over the wall...
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Apr.22.2013
Just curious—do you have a mantra? A credo? Perhaps some sort of slogan, tenet or delusional proscription to a paranoid manifesto?
You don't? Well this is awkward.
Ben Franklin had a million of them. Here's a little sampling:
"Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead." "A good...
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Apr.17.2013
Lo and begorrah. I haven't posted to this consarn log in nary a fortnight!
Sorry, sometimes I enjoy talking like Pa Ingalls—the real one, not the dashing yet sappy actor who left us far too soon.
It's been ten days. Jeez.
Don’t think it hasn't been bothering me, though. For the past week-and-a-...
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Apr.07.2013
Such a strange animal, indeed.
Then again, my wife says she's just like me, so does that make me a deviant curio as well?
Um, apparently yes, it does.
The thing is, being compared to a thirteen-year-old girl is a little strange when you happen to reside in the meat suit of a fifty-year-old dude. I'...
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Apr.04.2013
At last, a legacy congeals into actual brick and mortar.
Dang, it's about time; the world has teetered on pins and needles long enough.
Located upon a twenty-five acre spread on the campus of Dallas' Southern Methodist University, the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum is slated to...
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Mar.29.2013
I walked toward the front door Thursday morning, bearing the fresh burden of the twenty-six ton man bag I'd just hurled across my shoulder. "See you tonight," I said.
"You bet you will." She stood in her bedroom doorway, looking every bit her just-woke-up teenagerness—pajama pants, one of fifty...
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Mar.26.2013
The guy is sitting next to me on the Metro, not standing behind a counter. He's reading a book, not cracking a fresh roll of quarters and camouflaging himself in the green, orange and red of an American institution.
It's the same uneasy feeling I get from thinking of Batman doing his laundry...
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Mar.20.2013
How does that time-worn old bromide go? Something like, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."
True that.
As much as we try to segment and sort or lives, as resolved as we are to organize and prioritize the scripts, every once in a while, something unforeseen slaps us upside...
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Mar.17.2013
I finally had to look it up.
Look, I'm not a doctor—don't play one on TV, radio or even the occasional podcast.
The nearest I've come to adhering any semblance of the Hippocratic Oath is doing no harm to the avocados I palpate on a weekly basis at Safeway.
But the deal is, those closest to me have...
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3 comments
Mar.09.2013
Over the past fifty years, pretty much since I popped the tag on my first Hostess pastry, I've been clutching a cold steel bar as it digs into my upper thigh meat. And once the carny released the lever, that thing's been locked on with no hope of escaping.
I've been an unwitting passenger on the...
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Mar.03.2013
Has it ever happened to you?
I suppose it could be referred to as an "out-of-body-experience," an occasion where your eyes and brain have floated to the ceiling and gazed with wonder upon your body's current station in time and space.
Okay, that sounds a little too marijuanically inspired. What I'm...
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Feb.25.2013
If someone had slammed the twelve-year-old me against a locker, balled my pointy collar into his fist and demanded "Hey, man ('Dude' wasn't really around yet. We said it sometimes but never when addressing someone like 'Dude, I know, right?'), name a few things that are fun for your...
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When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven or pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, mmm, boy.”
—Jack Handey
About Tim
Over the past four years, I've authored a blog entitled, "Reflections of a Shallow Pond" (reflectionsofashallowpond.blogspot.com). It's musings, rants and baseless blatherings from a middle-aged father of teen and tween daughters. I'm a graphic designer by...
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